


cigarette ashes

by belivaird_st



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2019-10-18 15:28:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 13,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17583467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belivaird_st/pseuds/belivaird_st
Summary: Carol quits smoking.





	1. •1•

Carol takes her last long drag of her cigarette before stubbing it quickly into the ashtray on the cluttered card table. She pushes the clay bowl away for Therese to take it from her and dump the entire thing into the trash bin. Tonight, Carol makes the decision to quit smoking. Therese will support her every step of the way.

"You all right?" Therese asks, clapping cigarette ashes off her hands before sitting back down on a wooden stool in front of a canvas easel, dressed in a pair of rolled up dungarees and a yellow plaid shirt. She bends over to pick up her glass mason jar full of water and sips it through a plastic straw.

"Yeah," Carol answers back, her blue eyes crinkling through her brown wired frame glasses. She taps her paint-stained fingers on the bib of her denim overalls. With her knees bent, her bare feet rest on the wooden beams of a stool. 

"It’s not going to be easy for you," Therese goes on, passing over the jar of water. She watches the love of her life take the glass and drinks a few sips of it. The year is 1972. With her silvery-blonde hair pulled back in a messy knob, Carol is over fifty years old. She still looks beautiful like she did back in 1952.


	2. •2•

Carol crosses the slushy, mud slicked city streets of downtown toward a flower vendor who’s selling bouquets of roses. The man in charge watches her unzip her purse through a pair of sunglasses. She gives him money for some red roses.

“Keep the change,” she tells him, leaving the curb with the freshly cut bunch. Carol takes a whiff of the watery, sweet candied scent and makes her way back to the apartment with them.

Roasted tomatoes and garlic engulfs her nostrils the moment she enters the foyer. She’s being greeted by the dog—Edie—a black pomeranian. “Hi sweetie pie...” she puckers a few soft kisses while moving through the hallway in a pair of white converse sneakers. Edie zig-zags around her excitedly through her ankles.

“Therese?” Carol calls out. She enters the empty kitchen and lays the roses down on the smooth, mica countertop. 

Therese approaches the other side of the kitchen from the connecting living room, dressed in a paint-smeared white smock and cranberry leggings. Her flat-ironed dark hair falls past her shoulders, all shiny and sleek. She looks mad, which only makes Carol feel worse. 

“Did you get cigarettes?”

Carol narrows her blue eyes behind her wired specs. “No, darling, I didn’t,” her voice grows small and denfensive. She leans over to pick up the roses. “I went out to buy you these from down the street.”

Therese stares at the flowers, but not really sees them. Then she walks over and tries to smell any smoke lingering off Carol’s clothes, skin, or breath.

“For the love of Christ, Therese,” Carol starts, abruptly, stepping away from her to go put the roses in a vase. “A ‘thank you’ would be suffice!”

“Thank you,” Therese mutters. She lowers her gaze on the hard wooden floor, feeling guilty for asking.


	3. •3•

Therese fills Carol’s plate with more of their spaghettini dinner. She drops a metal pair of tongs into the pasta strainer before passing the plate back. Carol takes her food and sets the dish on the top of her placemat. She picks up her fork and starts picking and twirling noodles around just when her significant other moves along to sit back down from across the table.

“I want us to trust each other,” Carol begins.

“I want that, too,” Therese says, forking her pasta.

The roses are put in a vase and placed on the center of the table. Edie lays on the floor underneath.

“That means no secrets,” Carol goes on.

“Deal.” Therese swallows and digs food off the inside left corner of her gums with her tongue. “I’m sorry for not believing you earlier tonight.” 

“Apology accepted.”

Therese smiles—soft and genuine—like her old self again. She forks more of the thin spaghetti, while Carol grins and breaks half of her bread.

After dinner, they put Nina Simone on the record player while smoking pot in the living room. Carol and Therese stare at each other, all red-eyed, and giddy. Therese roaches the blunt into a folded napkin before crawling towards the older woman on the floor. She turns her head sideways and kisses her right on the lips. Carol sighs between their mouths and hooks one arm around the young woman’s neck. Kissing her aggressively back, the blonde pulls forward; making Therese lean inwards. Soon she has her butt pinning on top of Carol’s lap. Carol holds onto Therese’s waist and pulls themselves to fall on the rug—Therese, hovering above—Carol, flat on her back. Therese pushes Carol’s pocket shirt up past her navel, high above her bra-clad breasts. Carol wrestles herself out of the shirt and then starts untying the bow behind Therese’s smock. She tears off the uniform to find her braless. _Therese has her tits out_ , Carol realizes.

They make love—scissoring—between the couch and coffee table. Therese gasps out; thrusting her pelvis inwards completely intact between Carol’s widespread, long legs. She can feel a blow of heat on the delicate skin part of her collarbone with Carol holding with both arms, panting out short, rapid breaths. Therese’s bare, upper body bounces with strands of her hair blinding her face. Eyes closed, she sighs, allowing Carol to suck both nipples. 

The song finishes with the needle skipping on the record player and Edie sleeping on the bottom step of the stairs. Carol hugs Therese close to her below the couch and they kiss each other again before staring at one another with sleepy eyes. Therese nibbles Carol’s bottom lip that gets her chuckling.

“I love you,” she whispers, kissing her quickly on the mouth. 

“Mhm. Love you, too, dear.”


	4. •4•

Therese walks past Carol in the kitchen wearing a light blue denim shirt dress with patched-sewn pockets over a pair of olive green leggings and a floppy red hat with a large yellow sunflower pinned to the side. She pulls her pair of sunglasses out from her shoulder bag the second Carol snaps her fingers at the counter above a small bag of dog food.

Therese slips her round pair of sunglasses over her face before twisting her leather oxford heels around. She steps behind the counter to scoop Edie off the floor and kiss her furry head before placing her back down to give Carol a kiss. She cups the older woman’s face and leans forward. “See you tonight?”

Carol kisses her quick on the mouth. “Yes. I love you. Be safe out there.” She tears open the dog food bag and sticks her hand inside for the silver measuring cup.

“Love you, too. Have a wonderful day.” Therese's dimpled cheek spread into a wide smile.

Edie’s two front paws press on top of Carol’s kneecap while she pulls the measuring cup out from the orange bag. Therese leaves the apartment to work at her job at a hippie store called, The Piping Tribe, on Greenwich Village.

“Are you hungry, Edie, sweetheart? Are you starving, my small one?” Carol says in a soft, baby voice she used multiple times on her daughter when she was little. Rindy was twenty-five-years-old now. She’s living with her long-time girlfriend, Krystal, in California.

Carol dumps the dry kibble out the measuring cup into Edie’s food dish and takes a moment to watch the puppy wiggle and eat. Now she has to get ready for her own job at Hatchley’s Hardware Store ten minutes away.

Dressed in a dark brown apron over a beige polo shirt and denim trousers, Carol’s busy putting out a box of screwdrivers when her coworker calls for help.

Arnam Jha stands behind the register near the front of the store with his hands covering his forehead looking distressed. The Caucasian male customer chewing tobacco is the size of a bear. He looks pissed at Arnam for no reason. Carol walks quickly over by the registers and steps behind them to place a hand on Arnam’s back.

“What’s the problem here?”

The customer points a finger at Arnam. “ _This idiot refuses to give me a roll of quarters for my parking meter right outside the street!_ ”

“Sir, this store does not hand out spare change, willingly, to customers,” Carol says calmly, but firm. “I’m sorry, but that’s the rules.”

“ _Screw your rules! I wanna speak to the manager! This is ridiculous! I should be on the damn road right now!_ ” The man hollers.

“Our manager, Mr. Wexler, is on vacation,” Carol remains cool as ever. “If you would like, you can write a message in our suggestion box, so that way he could—”

“ _Forget it! I’m done with you people!_ ” The man snarls, waving his hands in the air. “You wanna know something, lady? You’d be a total knockout if you got rid of those hideous glasses of yours! And _you_ , _Gandhi_ , always remember where you came from and know you can always be gone! Deported!” He gives them a vulgar hand gesture before marching off. The plexiglass door slams hard on his way out.

“Jackass,” Carol mutters. She peers over to Arnam, whose brown face crumples; hands covering parts of his shiny brown eyes. She collects him in her arms. “Honey, you were just doing your job. That guy is the perfect example of White Male Trash.” She pulls away to look at him. “You need some fresh air? I’ll take over a bit. Go on, darling.” 

Arnam sniffles and moves his feet far away from the store counter as possible. He pushes himself outside and stands next to the ice storage bin.

Carol sighs and rubs her forehead. She starts to tidy up her surroundings before she glances over to see Arnam smoking a cigarette. A Winston. 

Oh, man. She could really use one of those.

Remembering her vow of quitting, Carol jerks her head away from the glass window and taps her fingers. She pulls a stick of Juicy Fruit gum out of the counter drawer and rips off the wrapper. She chews off a piece of gum with her teeth before popping the rest of it. Her mouth waters, but not for banana flavored gum.


	5. •5•

“Arnam cried today.”  
Carol unscrews a metal paint lid off with a metal can opener before pouring some pepto-bismol colored paint into a disposable foil pan. She carefully places the quart size can back down on the newspaper layered floor beside her bare feet. “He refused to give this man a round of quarters to feed his parking meter, because we're not allowed to hand money away like that. The jerk goes ape-shit over the whole ordeal and demands to speak to our manager. Dexter’s spending a week in Honolulu, however. So here I am, trying to mention our suggestion box, which only ends with the asshole telling me to go fuck myself.”

Therese listens to Carol while darkening her half-painted cathedral building to a golden bronze color. She sits close in front of her easel on a vinyl barstool above her partner, who seems comfortable on sheets of newspaper. The two ladies are spending each other’s company inside their shared art studio that connects to one end of the kitchen with the living room adjoining the other. Therese finds Carol’s stories about her job at the hardware store amusing. She met Arnam Jha a couple of times from walk-ins.

“Be honest, babe—do these glasses make me look hideous?” Carol continues rambling. She pulls her brown glasses off her face and peers up; all squinty eyed. Therese gazes back at her and smirks.

“They make you look like a wise owl.” 

_“Gee, thanks.”_ Carol slips the glasses back on. 

Therese turns herself back around to face her painting. She smears a bit of black on the cathedral rooftop with the pad of her thumb to give it a different texture.

“Is Arnam okay?”

“He’s fine.” Carol dips the palms of her hands into the foil pan containing the pink syrup before bringing them over to press down onto a square canvas portrait with several different shades of pink handprints. She’s trying to create a giant hand shaped heart.

Edie moves around from behind Carol to sniff and hover her artwork. _“Sssst. Hey. Scat.”_ She lazily steers the pup away with her elbow until the dog pads out of the room in all four, black paws.

“Dannie invited the two of us to go to his protest at Eagle Square tonight.” Therese dips more gold onto the tip of her paintbrush from her palette.

“Has he, now?” Carol mocks. She carefully peels her fingers and palms off the canvas board to stare at her work made in progress.

“It’s about wanting more peace.”

“John and Yoko tried doing that from their bed-in, but look where that got them? Nowhere.”

“So? They’re still out there, lovemaking-peace praising, and so should we!” Therese responds back, sharply. “We desire a better life, Carol!”

The older woman swipes a silvery-blond strand of hair fallen over the side her face with her bare knuckles. “Honey, I quit smoking—doesn’t that count for something? Let’s commit to certain things one at a time. Stay home and smoke the rest of that bag we got instead of going out, getting hurt or arrested tonight, okay, dearest?”


	6. •6•

“I want a fucking cigarette.”  
Carol’s voice grows low and sincere. She peers up at Therese through sleepy, squinty eyes, while combing her fingers through Therese’s smooth, dark hair. Therese lays on top of her the next morning. She snickers while shaking her head.

“Please?” Carol whines. “Just half of one?”

“You’ve been doing very good so far,” Therese mutters. She picks her chin off her cupped hands to lean over and kiss Carol on the mouth. “They have some yummy coffee down the street. Amaretto. We can order some, or I can always make a boring roast downstairs in the kitchen?”

“I need a smoke,” Carol says.

“ _You do not,_ ” Therese insists.

“Yes, I—”

“No! Stop it!”

After taking a shower, walking and feeding the dog, Carol sits at the counter islander and watches Therese move around back and forth in the kitchen slamming cabinets, drawers, pulling out the cream and sugar. In a black turtleneck and leggings, she looks very much like Audrey Hepburn.

“I should have let you go last night,” Carol sighs. “That was selfish of me to make you stay in.”

“It’s okay,” Therese shrugs while pouring coffee into their two mugs. 

“You should be able to do whatever you want. It’s not fair if we don’t treat each other like equals.” Carol nibbles her thumbnail. Ever since she stopped smoking, she had been biting her nails more and more regularly. Another nasty habit.

“What’s done is done. There’s no point dwelling on it.” Therese scoops enough sugar into each mug before mixing them with cream. Then she picks up the orange Pluto mug to bring it over and pass it to her partner. Carol takes the beverage and holds it close underneath her—fogging up the lens of her glasses.

Edie stops below the chair legs and sniffs Carol’s pink striped socks. She sneezes from the fuzzy lint and pads on her merry way.


	7. •7•

“Do you want... food?”  
That was the icebreaker. The ultimate question. Arnam grins as he holds onto the metal stepladder with both hands to prevent Carol from falling off. She’s in the middle of switching a new lightbulb above the ceiling inside the janitors’ closet at her job at the hardware store.

Carol snorts as she briefly peers down to look at him with grease smeared above the left arch of her eyebrow.

“Do I want food?” she repeats.

“You know,” Arnam shrugs. “To eat?”

She knows exactly what he means. _Does she want to go out to eat with him?_

Still, she keeps playing along.

“Oh, yeah. I eat food. Do you eat food?”

“Of course!” Arnam laughs softly and bops his head. “Duh!” he outbursts. 

They go to an Irish pub & bar located downtown once their shift ends. A sleepy-eyed, hippie girl, sits on a stool at one corner; strumming a few chords in front of a microphone from her blue belly acoustic guitar balanced on her lap. Only a few listeners pay attention to the music—whistling at her, yelling out song requests. She looks very much like Judy Collins. Her name is Church Sundae.

“Therese still working?” Arnam brings the lip bottle of his beer between his mouth and takes a swig of the foamy cold beverage. He sits across from Carol at their table in the back. She has been cradling her own beer by the neck, staring ahead towards Miss Church, who leans in front of a college boy in the small audience, busy helping light a cigarette that dangle from her lips. The boy laughs every time the flame goes out from his zippo lighter.

Arnam sets his beer down and picks some of his fried fish n chips. The crinkling noise of the wax paper makes Carol gaze back at him, all confused. “I’m sorry—what did you say, dear...?”

“Therese. Still working?”

Carol looks down at her wristwatch. Therese will be done for another fifteen minutes. She wants to make sure she has enough time to take a cab and ride over to pick her up. Carol got rid of her Packard a few years back. Therese had a big blowout when she found out the car was sold and auctioned to a car collector. She didn’t speak to Carol for about a week until she finally came to her senses and accepted the sad truth.

“Therese will be closing, soon,” Carol finally answers. She reaches her hand out towards the hot plate to pick some fries to eat, but finds herself taking a cigarette out of Arnam’s pack of Marlboros he left out. Realizing what’s between her fingers, she drops the cancer stick and makes it bounce on the table.

“What is it?” Arnam asks her. 

Carol slams her beer bottle down before cupping her forehead.

“I quit smoking,” she confesses. 

“You joke?” Arnam smiles.

“No, son. No joke.”

Carol turns her head back around to watch Church Sundae belt out and sing a Janis Joplin number, “Little Girl Blue” with a few young men howling along like a pack of wolves under a full moon.


	8. •8•

Carol lifts up her jade green tunic blouse and grabs a fistful of her belly in front of the vanity mirror inside the bedroom. Therese walks beside her in a black turtleneck and beige colored slacks. She smirks at the sight of their reflections.

The mother releases the thick pouch of her skin and pokes some of the flesh with a finger. “Do I look bloated to you? I think I’ve gained a few pounds.” Her voice grows weak with worry.

Therese playfully tugs the blouse back down. “You look fine,” she says. Then she leans up to nuzzle the older woman on the cheek.

“I _have_ gained weight. _Just admit I’m getting fat!_ ”

“No, babe, it’s all in your head.”

The doorbell rings along with Edie’s short, erupt barking. Therese leaves Carol alone in their bedroom to go downstairs to answer the front door in the foyer. The black pomperanian spins around in circles on the runner mat. Therese peers through the fish-eye peephole to see who’s there. Her face brightens the minute she unlocks the deadbolt and pulls the door open to face a shivering, yet smiling Rindy.

“Hey! C’mere, you!” Therese exclaims, throwing her arms out to embrace the young woman, who hugs her tightly back; grinning over one shoulder. Pulling themselves apart, Therese steers Rindy inside the apartment with the door swinging shut behind them and a breathless Edie yipping below their ankles.

Rindy removes her pink knit beanie hat with the faux fur ear flaps and matching bubble jacket to pass them over to Therese, who gestures for her to go settle down in the living room. She sits down on the edge of the couch in a rainbow long-sleeved shirt and red bell-bottom pants. She nervously flips back her light brown hair and then stuffs both hands between her knees. Rindy stares amusingly down at the dog, who whines to be picked up.

“Hon—who’s at the door—?” Carol calls out from the bottom step. Rindy watches her own mother walk past the living room in the hallway before doing a double take and turn back around to see her own daughter standing up from the couch.

“Hi, Mommy,” Rindy greets softly. 

Carol’s eyes water behind her glasses. She gushes over the sight of her full-grown daughter and moves her feet quickly into the living room to collect her baby in one dramatic, overwhelming hug. Rindy buries her face inside her mother’s collarbone, inhaling her fragrance oils of sandalwood and patchouli. She giggles as soon as Carol showers her with kisses before taking a good look at her.


	9. •9•

“You could’ve told us you were coming.”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

Carol hums pleasantly and rubs her hands up and down along Rindy’s arms. She gives her a small squeeze. “Have you been eating regularly? How’s Krystal?” she slips one hand behind her daughter’s back as they move towards the couch to sit down. Carol places her hands on top of her knees. Her lips spread into a natural grin. Wrinkles around the eyes.

“I eat when I feel like it. And Krystal is a lying piece of cat turd,” Rindy speaks dryly. 

“Oh, dear—what happened?”

Rindy shrugs. “We went to a party one night. I caught her sucking off a guy.”

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Carol clicks her teeth with sadness. She reaches to tuck some of Rindy's brown locks behind her pierced ear while Therese comes back with a tray of frosted animal crackers and pink lemonade. She sets the snack down on the coffee table before making her way toward the recliner chair. Edie rushed over to leap up and curl on top of her.

“What’s going on?” Therese joins in. 

“Krystal likes boys, apparently,” Carol says.

“I caught her with one at a party,” Rindy explains. “We broke up.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“I just need some time.” Rindy sighs loudly and refuses a pink frosted animal cracker Carol tries to offer her. “How’s everything here?”

“Mommy quit smoking,” Therese informs brightly.

“You did?” Rindy watches Carol bite the circus tiger cookie in half before popping the rest of it into her mouth. 

“Don’t get too excited. I’m miserable,” her mother speaks with her mouth full. 

“You are so dramatic,” Therese giggles, petting Edie’s back with one hand.

“You don't get to label me,” Carol grunts back, reaching over to pick up one of the tall glasses of pink lemonade off the round sandwich tray.

Rindy grins, silently watching her mommy bring the rim of her drink towards her mouth to take several large, noisy gulps. Carol sets the cup back down with beads of pink juice on her upper lip.

“What made you choose that path?”

“It's a nasty habit, for one thing,” Therese continues talking. “And smoking results a lot of serious health issues: Throat cancer. Liver failure. Heart and lung disease...”

“Could you let me speak for myself, please?” Carol demands. 

Therese waves for her to go ahead, but there’s nothing more to say.

“I didn’t come back here to witness you guys fighting with each other, did I?" Rindy snorts. 

“No. We’re not in a fight, Rindy,” Therese says quietly. 

Carol glares back at her.


	10. •10•

Rindy bends halfway inside her sunrise orange 1968 Volkswagen camper she parked outside the apartment home. Carol stands on the welcome mat with her arms wrapped tight to her chest to keep warm. She finds herself moving towards the psychedelic vehicle while her daughter grabs her blue canvas tote bag from the daisy print cover seat on the passenger side.

“You drove here by yourself?” Carol questions. She’s not sure if she should be angry or impressed. It’s clear to see that Rindy made it to New York from California in one whole, safe trip. But she is still a little girl through her mother’s eyes and would always be.

“What’s the big deal? I like to be on the road.” Rindy watches Carol open the side door and starts climbing inside the backseat. She steps through a beaded curtain and takes notice of the empty bags of potato chips, hostess snack wrappers, fashion magazines, high heels, and a torn up picture of two girls with their arms wrapped around each other. The photo is Rindy and Krystal.

“Smells in here. Like rotten fruit,” Carol complains.

“I know. Velma needs a good cleaning,” Rindy shrugs.

“You named your van?”

“Yeah.”

Carol crawls her way back through the beaded curtain to the front seats to admire the feathered dreamcatcher hanging from the rear view mirror. Rindy huffs loudly beside her at the driver’s door left hanging open.

“What’s up with you and Mama, anyway?” Rindy breaks the long silence that fills between them.

“Nothing's ‘up’ we’re fine,” Carol says. She reaches over to tap on the dreamcatcher to make it wiggle in the air.

“Whose idea was it for you to quit smoking?”

“Hers.”

“Do _you_ want to quit?”

Carol staggers a bit on her white pair of converse sneakers. She holds onto the leather armrest of the passenger seat for balance. The smell of moldy banana is all too much for her and gives her a headache. She crawls out of the camper like a caveman in direct sunlight.

“Mom—do you?” Rindy repeats louder. “Do you want to quit smoking cigarettes?”

Carol exhales loudly, filling her lungs back with the fresh, chilly March afternoon air. She moves around the street to face her daughter on the sidewalk.

“No,” she admits. “But I love your mama, and I’m doing this for her.”

Therese presses and pats her fingers down on a layer of soil she tossed inside a 10 inch terra-cotta pot at the kitchen table. She listens to Edie’s yipping once Carol and Rindy make their way inside the foyer. Carol reappears, breathless and cold with pink cheeks. She eyes the gardening project with a smug look on her face and starts putting away the clean dishes from the drying rack. 

“Rindy’s unpacking. She drove all the way here from California on some strange looking bus. Looks like a replica of Scooby-Doo’s Mystery Machine.”

“She’s a big girl, Carol.” Therese lowers her eyes back to her fingers half buried in soil.

“She’ll always be a four-year-old to me. What are you planting over there?”

“Tomatoes.” 

Carol opens a cabinet to put a cereal bowl away.

Therese clears her throat. “I never meant to steal your thunder. You can go back to your smoking if you want.”

Carol snorts and clinks a glass loudly with another one before swinging the cabinet door shut.

“Will you at least look at me when I’m talking to you?” Therese snaps. “Quit acting like you’re the only one whose feelings got hurt—”

Carol twirls around and yells out, “I’m so sorry—Is that what I’m doing? Hurting your feelings? Just like I did when I sold the Packard to keep a roof under our heads?!”

“We could’ve found another way to pay the rent. You went behind my back,” Therese says, accusingly.

“Here we go again—blaming me for everything I do!” Carol hollers.

“I support you and want the best for you,” Therese replies sourly. “You’re the one who’s making your life more difficult being a total bitch about it!”

Carol chuckles softly, shaking her blonde knotted-bun head. She’s done with this discussion. She’s sick and tired of arguing. To prove it, she snatches her wallet and house key off the table and storms out of the kitchen making Therese lean backwards with bits of soil on her fingers.

“Where are you going?” Panic rises the back of Therese’s throat.

“The corner store to buy me some smokes! Where else?!”


	11. •11•

Carol steps into the convenient store with a tiny bell ringing above the glass door. The cashier—a long haired hippie with a stubbly goatee—passes over a brown paper bag to a small raven haired woman at the front counter. Carol greets them with a small nod of her head and wanders aimlessly through the aisles. She grabs two bottles of orange cream soda—one for Therese, and the other for herself, a bag of _Rolos_ for them to share, and a fresh new pine scented car freshener for Rindy’s smelly camper.

“I’ll get one pack of your regular Parliaments, please,” she tells the cashier while he’s busy ringing out her selected items. She can’t look at his sunken face, because she feels ashamed for her words. The hippie man doesn’t seem to care once he adds the cigarettes and takes her money. Receiving some change back, Carol murmurs “thanks” before snatching the smokes and the bulky paper bag. She rushes back outside into the chilly, late afternoon sunshine.

Riding back home on the public transit bus, Carol nestles the paper bag on top of her lap and peers through the dusty, fiberglass window. It’s not long before she starts ripping the candy bag open. A business man glares at her from above his briefcase watching her fingers fumble noisily with the wrapper. The cigarettes are still left on the bottom of the bag. Ignoring them, Carol pops the candy into her mouth and sucks the glazed chocolate loudly; causing the man to clear his throat.

“How rude of me. Would you like one, sir?” She offers the hard candy to the complete stranger.

“No, thank you,” he grumbles out.

Carol drops the _Rolos_ back inside the paper bag and debates on whether she should smoke or not. She could still not decide when the bus approaches her stop and parks along the curb with a fatal hiss. The driver unfolds the doors open. _Fuck it,_ Carol thinks, leaving behind the single pack of Parliaments unopened on the seat. Descending the metal steps, she hugs the paper bag with her feet touching the curb. She looks both ways before crossing the street. The low drone of the city bus chugs along and continues its route slowly behind her.

Carol notices the orange camper gone, which means her daughter took off somewhere. Trying not to worry about it, she unlocks the door with her spare key and makes her way inside the apartment. Edie greets her with constant barking. Carol shushes her and closes the door shut. She carries the bag into the kitchen, calling out Therese’s name. Carol pulls out the two cream sodas and pops both the metal caps open in the kitchen before bringing them upstairs.

Her partner is napping on her side of the bed. Carol moves quietly to set the drinks down on the nightstand before she leans over to kiss Therese on the temple.

“Baby, wake up, sweetheart,” Carol whispered, watching Therese’s body movements stir underneath the covers. She smiles the second those green eyes squint open. Carol sits on her knees on the floor beside the bed, sliding one hand further behind the nape of Therese’s warm, slept neck.

Therese shivers from the icy touch of Carol for being outdoors too long.

“I bought myself a pack of cigarettes and left them on the bus!” Carol speaks in a rushed, excited whisper.

“Did you smoke any of them?”

“Check!”

Therese blinks the minute Carol presses their mouths together. The kiss feels refreshing and nice without the taste of nicotine, but she’s half asleep and doesn’t understand. “You left them where?” she pants out, feeling the heat of their breaths lingering.

“On the bus, baby cakes,” Carol giggles, kissing her again. “Where's Rindy? The camper’s gone.”

“She went to the market.” Therese sits up with Carol’s hand resting on her right breast. “Are you high on something?”

Carol chuckles and shakes her head. She reaches for one of the cream sodas and hands her girlfriend the fizzy drink before taking her own; hitting their glass bottles with a satisfying click.


	12. •12•

Because her brain isn’t completely use to the absence of cigarettes, Carol’s headaches are worsening. Her solution relies immediately to painkillers. Swallowing at least four pills a day, she keeps a capsule with her whenever needed. Therese doesn’t know about the pills and neither does Rindy. Carol has no desire to tell them, because she doesn’t want to scare them or cause any worry. She makes sure that she has the pills hidden if one of them is close by. She doesn’t want them to think she has some sort of drug addiction and have her medicine taken away from her. She wants to prove herself and to her family that she can live a smoking-free life! With a little help from a bottle called Excedrin. 

Days after the bus incident, Rindy becomes bored and wants to go out for a drive. Therese is working at her organic store for the day, but Carol has Saturdays off. Before they leave the apartment, Rindy leashes Edie and takes her outside for a quick potty. Carol shakes out two pills into the palm of her hand above the kitchen sink and pops them into her mouth. Pressing the pills on the roof of her mouth with her tongue, she grabs a Fred Flintstone cup from the dish rack and holds it under the cold, running tap water. She places the cup between her lips and fills her mouth with liquid to make the Excedrin float and swirl around. She swallows with a loud gulp. Then she chugs the rest of the water and hears the loud shrill of the telephone ringing on the wall behind her.

“Yes? Hello?” she answers on the second mid-ring. She shoves the pill capsule inside the back pocket of her denim overalls. She half listens to the front door opening with Rindy and the dog coming through.

“Hi, is this Rindy’s mother?” a scratchy voice of a female answers from the other line.

“Speaking,” Carol says, looking down once Edie approaches and clicks towards her. 

“This is Krystal Dupree calling from Sacramento,” the female says. “We’ve met before—Rindy’s girlfriend?”

Carol holds the phone against her ear, staring across the room at her full-grown daughter, who’s rolling up the dog’s leash. Rindy mouths, “Is that Dad?” and reads her mother’s words, “Krystal” before making a face. She moves to go put the leash away.

“Oh hey, Krystal,” Carol says cheerfully, staring at the back of her daughter, thinking how very much she takes after her father, Harge. “What can I do for you?”

“Is Rindy available? I would like to talk to her.”

“Hold on.” Carol moves the phone away from her ear and covers the mouthpiece with her hand. “Krystal wants to talk to you...”

“Tell her to go suck a cock,” Rindy says grimly.

Carol twitches from hearing the vulgar word, and closes her eyes behind her glasses the moment she uncovers the phone again and says, “I’m sorry, Krystal, but Rindy can’t come to the phone right now. Try again later.” That’s when she hangs up, taking a deep breath.

“I’m not speaking to that lying bitch ever again, Mom!” Rindy shouts out.

“Could you lose the foul language, please? It’s not needed,” Carol tells her. “Sooner or later I think you girls should talk. Give Krystal another chance.”

Rindy rolls her eyes while Edie pants beside her. She picks up the dog and kisses her black, furry head before setting her down.

Carol feels the pills pressing up against the camper’s seat on the passenger side inside her lower right buttock. She’s comforted by it throughout the car ride. Rindy drives with the windows rolled down, letting the wind flutter through. The bright sunlight beams down upon them making both women pull out their sun visors. 

Velma has been washed and cleaned out by Carol’s orders. The pine scented air freshener she had bought at the corner store dangles alongside the feathered dreamcatcher. On the road to no particular destination, the radio is rolled up with Jimi Hendrix playing through the built-in speakers. Carol was saddened over his death from a drug overdose the previous year. Therese had the chance to see him play at a concert two years prior to that. Carol stayed home sick with the flu.

Rindy drives them near the country side of New York where all the tall buildings disappear and turn into wide, open fields of grass and fenced off areas of farmhouses.

“Gorgeous out here,” Carol mutters, dreaming of owning a farmhouse with a porch swing and Therese in a strapless sundress, pouring her a tall glass of freshly squeezed lemonade.

“You see the cows?” Rindy holds onto the steering wheel with both hands, feeling the van roll smoothly through the wide, dusty roads. She lowers the electrifying guitar music a few notches. She loves the feeling of her dark hair blowing loosely around her face.

“I see them, and a few horses.” Carol hears the pills rattle a bit in her pocket and gives out a relaxing sigh. Her headache is gone. She can smell the heat of sun mixed with manure and remembers why she doesn’t live in the country.

They pull over on the side of the road where they spot a single brown mare in tall grass, unsupervised. Carol stands and watches Rindy give the animal a few pats on her long slender, white nose. Rindy smiles a little between jerks of the horse’s head.

“I remember the days when you wanted a pony,” Carol grins, rubbing her left eye behind her pair of glasses.

“Yeah, when I was eight.” Rindy moves her hand to caress the mare’s velvet, muscled neck. The horse stares back at her with big, liquid eyes and flicks her long, black tail.

They head back on the road ten minutes later and stop at a diner for lunch. Rindy stuffs her mouth with a plate of seasoned French fries while Carol drinks an icy coke through a straw, thinking how perfect the day is going for her with no cravings for a cigarette. Their waitress approaches them in a pink frilly uniform.

“How is everything?”

“Terrific!” Rindy gives her a thumbs up sign.

Carol agrees, smiling along.

“Do we still have room for dessert?” The waitress pulls out her pad of paper and pencil from her apron.

“I’ll have a chocolate float,” Rindy speaks with her mouth full, licking salt off her fingers.

Carol gives her a startling look. She finds her daughter’s appetite with junk food bizarre, because she had been the complete opposite at her age.

“And for Mother?” the waitress peers below at Carol, holding the pencil in mid-air.

Carol dismisses the offer with a small wave of her hand, making the waitress nod and leave the booth. Rindy rolls her eyes at her mother’s refusal.

“What?”

“Mama already told me that you think you’re fat.”

Carol crosses her arms on the table. It’s not far from the truth. There were times when she felt her belly spill out from her blouses and some of her jeans beginning to feel a little too tight.

“Mom? Are you going to say something?” 

Carol looks up at the whirling ceiling fan.

“You’re not fat, Mommy, but if you want to lose a few pounds, you go to a gym for that. Not starve yourself!”

“I think I’ll survive a day without sliding syrup down my throat,” Carol grumbles, and blinks down at the sundae glass being set down in front of them. Rindy pulls a spoon out of the float. She eats her dessert in front of her mother getting bits of chocolate sauce on the corners of her mouth.


	13. •13•

Therese stands on top of a metal step stool. She’s in the middle of stocking homemade wax pillar candles on square cherrywood shelves of a bookcase at her organic store, The Tribe. When she finishes emptying the box, she pulls out her cutting knife and slides the blade through the sealed tape to open and flatten the cardboard. She gets down from the stool and turns around to find Dannie McElroy and his friend, Richard Semco, leaning over the glass store counter picking through customary button pins from a woven basket.

“You should come smoke some grass with us,” Richard says, holding up a Davy Jones pin with his thumb and forefinger. Dannie agrees, picking out a yellow and pink button with the words LOVE printed across in a 60’s stylish bubble font.

“I can’t leave my counter,” Therese snorts, tucking the cardboard with the other empty pieces stuck halfway inside a bigger box.

“You’re co-manager! What’s wrong with bending the rules a little?” Richard tosses the Davy Jones pin back into the basket with Dannie rising up. He pulls a small bag of weed from his bandanna tied around his forehead and shakes it out.

All three of them smoke around the outside back of the store with Dannie shoving his nose inside the bag, whiffing the weed, dramatically. Richard laughs with his back leaned up against the brick wall, while Therese holds the joint with two fingers, staring at the the pavement through watery, red eyes.

Heading back inside the shop without the guys present, Therese sees a few college girls looking at the tapestries hanging on the walls with one of them trying out a singing bowl. She starts organizing the sterling jewelry on the fiberglass counter, avoiding to look at anyone through her stoned state.

The apartment smells good of freshly picked herbs and spices brewing in a sauce pot in the kitchen. Rindy’s in the living room with Edie lounging together on the couch staring at the flashing TV screen. The musical sitcom, _Getting Together_ is on. Greeting her adopted daughter, Therese pulls the strap of her sunflower bag off her small shoulders to hang it on the coat rack in the foyer.

“Where's Mom?” Therese enters the living room, exhilarated and relieved from another accomplished day at work.

“Upstairs doing push-ups.” Rindy never takes her eyes off the ‘brainless box’ Carol usually refers it. “She’s trying to lose a few pounds.”

Therese snorts and goes upstairs. In the bedroom, she finds Carol in a push-up position with her palms out, socked feet pressing together, and bottom tucked in. The fifty-year-old blonde drops low, all red in the face, hot headed and disgruntled.

“You’re being ridiculous,” Therese tells her, taking one of the blue pillows on the bed to smack her on the butt.

Carol falls flat on her belly and snatches the pillow to hug it close to her chest. “I just want to stop feeling like a beach whale these days!” she whines. Therese clicks her teeth as she gets down on her knees and cups the woman’s disheveled sweaty head. She kisses her and murmurs into her hair.

“Make love to me,” she whispers.

“Rindy’s here,” Carol whimpers. 

“I’ll close the door, but I can’t guarantee you that she won’t hear us.” Therese grins once Carol looks back into her mischievous green eyes with a smirk on her face.

Carol lays naked on her back with Therese lying on top of her; stretching their hands together on either side of the bed. Head tilting, Therese leans downward and yanks Carol’s bottom lip playfully with her teeth. Carol breathes out heavily and peers beneath her to watch Therese slide over to clamp her mouth on the left breast, poking her tongue across the nipple.

“I’m getting pretty sick of the city. Let’s go spend the rest of lives in the country,” Carol suggests, loving how her voice deepens like a man’s, dropping her hands to slide them over around Therese’s bare torso.

“There’s too many bugs. I hate mosquitoes.”

“You hate everything,” Carol clicks, feeling Therese’s dark hair tickling her skin.

Therese now buries her face between Carol’s breasts. “I don’t hate you. Not ever.”


	14. •14•

Carol lifts Therese’s head to bring it back towards her face. Their mouths smash hungrily together, a bit more aggressively, with sounds how thick and heavy their breathing come out between loud, hot kisses.

Therese blindly reaches her arm down below; inserting her two fingers inside Carol. She loves the sound the woman makes—a small hissing through her teeth—which ruptures a fatal cry for her to push deeper. Their bodies break into cold sweats of perspiration and the sweet-and-sour fragrance of sex.

Shortness of breath, Therese circles her fingers, causing Carol’s body to convulse and seize up; legs folding up, breasts outward. Her gasps become pleasant making Therese more horny and hot. She fingers at a more rapid speed. Messily, she drops her head back down and overlaps her mouth to eat Carol out.

They both feel satisfied and tired with years of experience and old age once they’ve settled down minutes later with the bedsheets entwined around their midriffs. Carol chuckles softly; sleepily watching Therese suck her index finger like a lollipop. Therese pulls out her lips with a smacking sound before resting her chin on top of the older woman’s breastbone. 

“Do you think Rindy heard us?” she whispers. Her voice sounds groggy like it does whenever she wakes up in the morning. 

“God, I hope not,” Carol mutters back. She smiles along with Therese and then remembers her weight and how “fat” she feels. She begins to rise up with Therese pulling apart from her.

“What is it?”

“I need to shower.” Carol leans over and kisses her briefly before the sheets are thrown aside. She gets off the bed and carries her naked self towards the connected bathroom.

Therese sits there and waits while she listens to the squeaky twisting noises of both the bathtub’s cold & hot faucets turning on with the sound of water running. She begins to move to put her clothes back on. Her eyes catch something sticking halfway out of Carol’s blue jeans that are lying on the floor. Leaning down from the bedspread, Therese reaches out and takes the bottle of Excedrin. Confused, she reads the drug facts of the medicine with so many questions swirling through her head.


	15. •15•

Therese puts the pills back in Carol’s blue jeans. She got dressed and was downstairs by the time her partner had finished showering. Carol walks into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Edie follows her around, tail wagging, nails clicking on the floor. The phone rings shrilly on the wall, causing a few barks from the dog.

“Relax, girlie, it’s only the phone,” Carol coaxes the Pomeranian. Edie cocks her head to one side while Carol moves across the room. She snatches the phone during mid-ring. “Yes? Hello?”

It’s Krystal calling again. She wants to speak to Rindy, saying how horrible her day’s been going and the fact she cried so much about it. Carol pulls the phone away from her ear to holler for her daughter to come here this instant.

Rindy approaches the kitchen in her boots and handbag. She stares at her mother with the corded telephone.

“If that’s Krystal, I’m not speaking to her.”

“ _Hey. She’s been having a real awful day,_ ” Carol says in a harsh whisper. “ _Get over your grudge against her and make amends!_ ”

“No thanks,” Rindy snorts. “I’m going out tonight.” She twirls her van keys around with her finger.

“I-I’m making dinner,” Carol protests. She has the phone pressing up against her chest with Krystal still waiting through the other line.

Rindy tosses her head. “You and Mama can have it. From what I’ve heard upstairs, you guys had _plenty_.”

Carol’s blue eyes widen behind her glasses, completely mortified. She angrily shoos her daughter to leave and places the phone back against her ear. “I’m sorry, dear, but Rindy cannot come to the phone right now—”

“Bullshit! I could hear her in the background!” Krystal snaps.

“Have a goodnight, Krystal,” Carol responds lightly, ending the call. She hangs up the device back in its cradle with Rindy already gone for the rest of the night.

Carol heads into the art studio in her red faded Andy Warhol T-shirt and mustard yellow socks. She sneaks behind Therese, who stiffens on the wooden stool with her left leg folded up; staring blankly at the empty canvas frame displayed on an easel in front of her. Carol slips her hands over the woman’s shoulders and gives them a squeeze before kissing her lightly on the head. She starts massaging her, not knowing the secret of the pills has been out for about an hour now. 

“Rindy won’t be joining us for dinner.” Carol rubs the pads of her thumbs in tiny circles into Therese’s shoulderblades. “And she heard us having sex. I knew I should’ve pressed a pillow over my mouth.”

Therese abruptly moves herself away from Carol’s touch and twists herself around to look up. “I know about the pills. When were you going to tell me?”

“Fuck sakes. I didn’t want you to worry about them, I just—” Carol huffs and clutches the bridge of her nose. “I’ve been getting these real bad headaches from not smoking, so I’ve prescribed myself some medicine—”

“We decided not to keep any secrets from each other! That’s what we agreed on!” Therese shouts.

“I only wanted to make the pain go away,” Carol blinks back tears. “Nothing good is coming out of this!” 

“If you’re in some kind of trouble, babe, I want to be there to help you. I’m here for you no matter how hard you’re struggling!” Therese slid her bottom off the stool to come over and pull Carol into a hug. Carol leans all her weight on top of her. Therese holds onto her tightly and feels Carol pulling apart to peer down at her.

“You still love me?” her voice sounds whiny and weak. 

“Always. A waste of time being mad at you.” Therese reaches up and cups her hand over one side of the woman’s face. She leans up and pecks her gently on the mouth. 


	16. •16•

“Edie—lay down,” Carol instructs the dog, staring at her from the couch, who was simply stands, on all fours, inside the small woven basket that’s layered with fleece blankets. Edie looks back with her tongue hanging out, panting softly. Her pointy ears twitch over the faint clicking sound of Carol’s fork hitting against the pink ceramic plate—stabbing a few multicolored corkscrew shaped pasta—to shove it inside her mouth. 

Therese licks red tomato sauce off her lips. She watches Edie standing there, uncooperative and hot. Her liquid black eyes blink. Carol makes hand gestures with a closed fist.

The dog licks her nose and keeps staring, wheezing out.

 _She’s laughing at me,_ Carol realizes in total disbelief.

 _“Down,”_ Therese commands.

Edie shifts on her small paws before circling around a few times to curl up on the blankets.

“Good girl,” Therese recites.

“How come she never listens to me?” Carol pouts, stripping off some fluffy buttered crust of her white _Sunbeam_ bread to shove it into her mouth. 

Therese eats more pasta. Edie lies in the basket with her head between two front paws. 

Carol sighs and scratches above her left eyebrow with her thumbnail.

“Krystal called?” Therese changes the subject.

“Yeah. She won’t stop until Rindy actually talks to her.” Carol peers down at her plate, ripping more pieces of bread.

“Would you speak to me after you caught me sucking off a guy’s dick at a party?” Therese questions, digging food out of her gums with her tongue.

“Not right away,” Carol answers. “Eventually, I would come to my senses and hear you out.”

“We all have choices we make in this life and Krystal knew exactly what she was doing.”

Carol falls quiet now and thinks of her little girl drinking somewhere, or probably smoking marijuana with a few starving artists in a empty parking lot.

Just the thought of it makes her stomach churn.


	17. •17•

The weather’s warm enough for rain, but chilly to go outside. Carol can hear it puttering on the metal rooftop at work. She’s sweeping sawdust off the concrete floor with a plastic dust pan and broom. Her mind wanders on Rindy and the fact she never came home from last night. If something bad happened to her, Carol would never forgive herself. She couldn’t imagine what Harge would do. He’s living with his new wife on the other side of the border working as architect. Rindy was his, too. The thought of her ex-husband makes Carol crave for a cigarette. Just one Parliament, that’s all she needed.

Arnam’s busy working boxes of freight when he slices his finger with a box cutter knife by accident. Carol takes sight of the blood and quickly ushers for him to go grab a band-aid from the white medical kit. The shop door swings open, revealing their coworker, Quincy, who’s pushing back the hood of his raincoat off his mushroom styled head.

“It’s raining cats and dogs out there!” he booms, unzipping the coat to go hang it on a nail inside the break room. He comes back dressed in a white sports team sweatshirt and corduroy khakis, heading towards Carol in a pair of steel-toe boots.

“I want you to help Arnam finish working on the four pallets of freight we got from last nights’ truck,” Carol orders, carrying the dust pan and broom over towards the waste bin to dump the dirt and pencil shavings inside.

“Aw, maan,” Quincy moans.

“I don’t want to hear it—you guys can do it,” Carol speaks sharply.

“It’s not that hard,” Arnam agrees, wiggling his new bandage wrapped finger. Loud popping rips of cardboard tearing wide open fill up the main floor. Quincy’s a single, thirty-two-year-old man, living by himself, with a cat named, Gizmo.

Carol deals with the walk-ins of customers browsing and purchasing products at the store. Every time the phone rings, she runs to snatch it, thinking it’ll be Rindy from the other line.

xxxx

“You’re _where?!_ ” Therese hollers on the phone, turning her back around to a woman staring above her near a velvet stand filled with sterling jewelry.

“Police station,” Rindy giggles. “I need you to bust me out, Ma.”

“Oh my god—what happened?” Therese becomes completely baffled. “Does Mom know?” And then she starts to listen to Rindy sing out the Beatles’ hit number “Your Mother Should Know” in a high, upbeat note. 

Rindy laughs out loud with somebody in the background telling her to get off the phone.

“Just hang on! I’ll be right there!” Therese shouts. She hears muffled voices with the line cutting off. Therese hangs up and feels several tiny white hairs sticking up the back of her neck. 

By the time she reaches the police station, she’s out of breath, red in the face, ordering for a young police officer to lead her straight to Rindy’s holding cell. Sliding the metal bar door open, Therese rushes over and throws her arms around the sleepy-eyed Rindy.

“Hey Mama,” Rindy murmurs with her mouth pressing up against Therese’s olive green corded jacket.

“Goddamn it, Rindy,” Therese scowls. “What did you do?”

“Peed next to a fire hydrant,” Rindy reveals out the truth, giggling. “I was dared to do it. My friends didn’t even warn me a cop was coming.”

“Some friends,” Therese snorts. She moves her mouth to kiss Rindy above the eyebrow before taking the girl home.


	18. •18•

Carol calls out a few names,

“Rindy?”

“Therese?”

The dog barks shrilly at her arrival. Edie wiggles her tail. Carol begins to wrestle out of her rain jacket. She moves quickly to go hang it up on the wooden peg nailed to the wall. She slips out of her pair of Keds before walking down the floral runner carpet in her socked feet. Passing by the living room, she finds it empty. Seconds later, Therese appears at the doorframe, dressed in a paint smeared smock with denim cutoffs.

“Hey,” she greets.

“Is Rindy here?” Carol knows it, because she saw Velma parked alongside the curb. She walks around the coffee table to kiss her partner on the lips and waits for a response. It’s hard to read Therese at times, because she’s so good at keeping a straight face. 

“Our daughter is upstairs, taking a nap,” Therese replies softly. She reaches over to grab Carol’s hand, rubbing the cold off her skin with the pads of her thumbs. “I had to pick her up from the police station.”

“You _what?_ ” Carol gasps.

“Don’t be upset,” Therese warns.

“You damn right I’m upset!” Carol shouts, yanking her hand away. “What the hell happened, Therese?”

“Rindy got arrested last night for peeing on a fire hydrant,” Therese explains. “She was doing a dare.” Carol keeps staring at her, speechless. “It was a stupid game, but she’s all right...”

“That makes one of us,” Carol sighs loudly. 

“Her friends took off the second the cops showed up.”

“Christ all Friday.” Carol runs her fingers through her silvery-blonde roots.

Therese gently pulls her inwards to wrap her up in a hug. She presses their foreheads together. “Everything is going to be alright,” she whispers. “I was thinking we should order a pizza tonight...”

Carol liked the sound of that since cooking dinner was far from her mind at the moment. She heads upstairs to her daughter’s bedroom to find out she was, indeed, napping. Rindy’s overgrown body lays on one side of her bed in a red corduroy blazer and brown skirt. Carol walks over to sit on the edge of the mattress to peer down at her. She pats Rindy’s shoulder before shaking her wide awake.

Rindy’s eyes slant open, peering up at Carol, confused. “Hey, Mom, what’s—” 

Carol whacks her on the bottom. “That’s for scaring the living daylights outta me for not coming home last night!” She whacks her again. “And that’s for messing around with city property and wasting that police officer’s time!”

Rindy opens her mouth to speak, but her mother gets up and leaves the room so quickly without giving her the chance to.


	19. •19•

Carol sits behind the wheel of a Yukon yellow 1969 Volkswagen Beetle Convertible with a black top frame and beige vinyl seats. She grips the steering wheel with both hands and studies the shiny chrome fixtures and soft wood paneling. The brown mustache suited car salesman and Rindy are both standing outside the dealership’s sunny parking lot, waiting.

“I love it,” Carol announces through the open window. “We should get this one.”

“You’ve been saying that with every car,” Rindy snorts.

“I mean it this time,” Carol insists, drumming her fingers along the seat’s armrest. “I know for sure that this is the one.”

The salesman grins like a cat caught with a canary. “Cash or Credit?”

Therese stares at the new car with Carol leaning up against it. She takes a few steps away from her organic shop in a strapless purple tie-dye dress and brown sandals. She has pinned up her hair with feathers and beaded string. She doesn’t know what to make of the vehicle.

“You bought a car,” she states the obvious. Her voice sounds soft and unsure.

“I bought _us_ a car,” Carol lightly corrects her. She slips one arm around her partner’s small shoulders and kisses her on the cheek. “I think it’s time to have one. It’s been five years.”

“It must’ve cost you,” Therese frowns. “How much?”

“Does it matter? I bought it. We have it. Come on. Let’s grab ourselves a bite to eat. I told Rindy we can head over and meet her at Robinson’s.”

Therese falls quiet with the warm afternoon sun beaming down on her and starts to move her feet. She slides past Carol, who holds the passenger door out for her. Slipping inside through the new vinyl and polyester, she unbundles parts of her dress that bunch up underneath her bottom and fiddles with her messy bun. Carol closes the door on her to run around and get into the driver’s seat, dressed up in a billowy, orangey blouse with a teal colored high waisted skirt. Carol sits back beside Therese in the Beetle and reaches for the keys to twist and start the ignition.


	20. •20•

As they leave the restaurant, a man dressed up in a tight red graphic tee and light blue jeans, rudely bumps into Therese, almost knocking down the plastic bag of leftover broccoli chicken kept inside a styrofoam box.

“Hey!” Carol snaps, whipping her head around to look at the guy who keeps moving. He stays quiet as he pulls open the glass door and disappears inside of Robinson’s.

“Asshole,” Rindy murmurs, peering over at her second mother, who remains quiet and calm. Carol places one hand on the small part of Therese’s back and steers her to keep moving forward.

Dropping Therese back to work, Carol drives home in the new VW Beetle with Rindy following her in the orange camper. Krystal Dupree sits outside the apartment waiting for them with a duffel bag. She picks herself up as soon as Rindy angrily slams her car door shut and storms across the sidewalk.

Carol gets out of the Beetle, witnessing the unsettling moment between the two ladies. She is surprised to find Rindy’s ex-girlfriend dressed in a strapless gold blouse with a pair of lime green corduroy bell bottoms. Her appearance looks much more stylish and girlie than the last time she remembered. Krystal was known for wearing dark clothing and heavy makeup and flat hair. At this very moment with her hair pulled back loose and puffy, she seems to be an entirely different person altogether.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Rindy snaps. She towers in front of Krystal just by a few inches.

“I came to see you,” Krystal answers her. “You weren’t returning any of my calls.” 

“ _Newsflash! We broke up!_ ” Rindy shouts. 

Krystal falls quiet now. She turns her head towards Carol, who awkwardly moves past her to get to the door to start unlocking it.


	21. •21•

Pots and pans clanging. Faucet water running. Carol disappears through the kitchen and leaves Rindy alone with Krystal Dupree in the living room. The dog’s with them and she’s infatuated with Krystal’s odd smells and company. Laying on the couch with a fist dug onto her cheek, Rindy watches her ex-girlfriend sit on her knees on the floor, kissing the family dog, scratching behind her ears.

“I love animals,” Krystal finally speaks up. She allows Edie to sniff her hand.

“You didn’t come here for the dog,” Rindy scowls.

“You’re right. I came here to apologize for breaking your heart.” 

Rindy waits to hear more.

“I’m sorry for hurting you. Lawrence and I are not together, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Krystal moves herself and leans her back up against the couch. Edie attempts to climb on top of her lap on all four paws. 

“I don’t want to think about you with him,” Rindy coolly responds back, peering down at her polished nails. “You left me out to dry at that dumb party. I thought you were into girls?”

“I’m into both sexes,” Krystal informs her, resting a hand on Edie’s back. “And I’m also pregnant. I’m three weeks along.”

Rindy stares at her across the room, wide-eyed. Carol overhears the news the minute she approaches the room with a tray of herbal tea. “Oh Krystal, that’s wonderful!” 

“Thank you, Carol,” Krystal says. She takes her tea and holds it below her chin, letting the steam warm her skin. Edie nestles comfortably on her lap. She looks back at Rindy, adding softly, “I want you to be the baby’s godmother.”

Carol gushes while holding out the second cup of tea for her daughter, but Rindy doesn’t take it from the tray. She pushes herself off the couch and storms out of the room.

Krystal winces from the loud slamming sound of Rindy’s bedroom door coming from upstairs. Carol blows a raspberry out from her mouth and feels embarrassed by the whole ordeal.

“There’s a lot for her to take in.”

Krystal sips her tea. She understands. “Where’s Therese?” Maybe changing the subject would lighten up the mood.

“Working,” Carol answers flatly.

xxxx

Krystal serves herself a plate of chopped salad at the table with Carol gently setting the crockpot of beef stew down on a burner plate with Rindy moving past them, all dressed up, and ready to go out. She snorts at the sight of her ex-girlfriend here at her house, eating her mother’s dinner, taking Therese’s spot at the table.

“Stop. Where do you think you’re going? _Dorinda_ ,” Carol warns, glaring at her daughter through her wire framed specs. “Krystal is a guest in this house who—”

“Not my guest,” Rindy cuts off. “I’ll be spending the night with people who don’t cheat on me. Who don’t pretend to be something they’re not. If you think dumping me with news about a baby is going to change my feelings for you—you’re more cracked in the head than I remember, Krystal. Find yourself another goddamn godmother. I’ll pass on that.”

“Why are you acting this way? I-I love you!” Krystal breaks down crying. Her face crumples up with hot tears rolling down her cheeks. Carol moves quickly from the table to go and chase after her daughter.

“ _Rindy! Come back here!_ ” Carol shouts behind her. Her voice sounds raw and screechy like a screen door. She knows she can no longer tell the girl what to do, because she’s 25 years old and has stopped following rules a long time ago.


	22. •22•

Therese comes home to find jazz music playing and the apartment smelling like burnt incense: Sandalwood. She removes her cloth shoulder bag to go hang it up with the coats on a wooden peg. She can hear the pleasant sound of Carol laughing from the next room.

Sliding her feet out of her brown sandals, Therese heads down the hallway, taking notice of the dog’s absence. She stops in the middle of the living room doorframe and takes a good look at Carol waltz-dancing with another woman in a golden halter top and lime green bell bottoms. They’re circling around and around beside the coffee table with the record player rolling. Edie lounges on her fleece blankets by the TV.

“Darling,” Carol beams the moment she stops and releases the woman’s hand and the spot around her waist. She comes over to hug and kiss. The woman turns around and grins. Therese recognizes Krystal Dupree, but shocked to see her mature, clean transformation. 

“Hey,” Therese says. She feels Carol’s lips smash into hers, but her eyes never leave Rindy’s former girlfriend. Krystal waves at her with Carol slipping one arm around her shoulders.

“You remember Krystal?” Carol questions.

Therese nods and finds herself heading inside the living room with Krystal hugging her and kissing her on both cheeks. The reunion feels weird and wrong somehow.

“Where’s Rindy?” she brings up their daughter out of curiosity and concern. 

“She went out,” Carol replies wearily, scratching underneath the flank of her hair. 

“Does she know you’re here?” Therese asks Krystal sharply.

“Yes. That’s why she took off in the first place.” Krystal’s hands fall on top of her belly. “I’m pregnant, and I want Rindy to be the godmother.”

xxxx

“Krystal can’t stay here,” Therese tells Carol in a harsh whisper. She stands with her arms crossed over her chest above Carol, whose on their couch, leaning back. Krystal has left them to go use the bathroom upstairs.

“We can’t just kick her out,” Carol protest, tossing her right hand down on the couch arm. “Not in her condition.”

“Carol, she cheated on Rindy!” Therese spoke fiercely.

“She apologized for her actions. She wants Rindy to be the godmother for her unborn baby. She has been trying to tell her for the past week from all those phone calls she made.”

“Why are you sticking up for her?”

Carol covers her face with her hand. “I just can’t see myself kicking a pregnant woman out of the house. Alright?”

Therese snorts. “You certainly can see yourself dancing with one.”

Carol moves her hand away and looks up. “That was nothing! We were just enjoying some music!”

“Krystal can stay here for the night, but she’s leaving first thing tomorrow morning.”

Carol raises her hands up in surrender. Therese glares up towards Krystal coming back downstairs.


	23. •23•

The next morning, Therese bites into a crispy strip of bacon with Krystal taking a plate of eggs from Carol at the stove. She doesn’t like the fact that Rindy’s ex-girlfriend has spent the night at the apartment. Or the fact that Krystal cheated and then later decides to keep a baby that belongs to the man she had the affair with.

“So what time are you leaving?” she asks the girl, swallowing bits of her breakfast.

“Therese, come on,” Carol scolds. She gives her a sharp look of annoyance. 

Therese keeps her eyes on Krystal, who looks up from her plate, wearily.

“I haven’t decided that yet. I’m waiting for Rindy to get back so we can talk a bit more.” She grabs her fork off a folded napkin and starts picking away at her food.

“And that’s fine,” Carol adds, switching off the stove burner. She pulls away and takes a deep breath.

xxxx

Carol finds Krystal sitting on the foot of Rindy’s bed after breakfast, strumming her daughter’s red oak acoustic guitar. She stops playing and smiles, dressed up very cute in a blue paisley top and light colored miniskirt. 

“Hi,” Carol says, staring longingly at the pretty instrument. It was a gift from Rindy’s father who bought it for her sixteenth birthday. “How’d you sleep in here? Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Krystal says. “Rindy still not back yet, huh?”

“No, and I’m not going to let it bother me,” Carol sighs, taking a couple steps forward to sit down beside her. “She’s not a little girl anymore. I get that.”

“It must drive you crazy though,” Krystal grins. She drags her thumbnail slowly along the metal strings. 

“What about your mother? Have you told her about the baby?” Carol casually switches the subject on Krystal.

“I’m adopted. I never met my real mother, or father. My foster parents live in Salt Lake City with their four other children. I lost contact with them the moment I graduated high school.”

“Are you working, honey? Do you have a job?”

“I got fired from the rib shack last month for feeding a homeless man on the clock. Stupid reason to let me go...” Krystal snorts and keeps strumming away. 

“And the baby daddy? Where’s he?” Carol chews her bottom lip, feeling more and more bad for this woman that was Rindy’s long-lasting love.

“Back in California, probably screwing up some other chick. He says he loves me, but I’m not buying any more of his bullshit cheating sob stories. I fucked up my wonderful relationship with Rindy and I would do anything to get a second chance. I love her so much and I wish she could see that.” Krystal stops the twanging and now lays the guitar down beside her. She pulls out a single cigarette and box of matches out from the bra strap inside her shirt. 

“Krystal—you’re pregnant,” Carol protests, feeling all the bells and whistles go off in her brain. She quickly grabs the box of matches away from the girl, who looks back at her, incredulously. Krystal removes the unlit cigarette between her lips and starts laughing. 

“One smoke’s not going to kill me!”

“It’s not about you anymore,” Carol says softly. “You have a little one growing inside of you now. Remember that.” 

“Sure. Take this too.” Krystal hands over the single Pall Mall cigarette. Carol takes it from her and feels something electrifying shoot through her veins, darkening the color of her eyes.

Without thinking, she slides the cigarette halfway into the corner of her mouth and lets Krystal do the honors of striking up a match. Bringing the blue-orange flame close to the tip, Krystal leans back a little. Carol inhales and tastes the sweet bitterness of nicotine.


	24. •24•

Rindy leans on a green foldout table with her old high school friend, Silvia “Silvie” Browning at the recreation center downtown, watching her help tie the laces that belong to a small dark-skinned girl wearing her hair up in high pigtails. Silvie works part-time at the center and has a child of her own. Dillan will be seven this December. Silvie had him when she was eighteen.

The little girl in front of them reminds Rindy of a baby deer with big, liquid brown eyes and long eyelashes. She has a finger in her mouth. Silvia finishes with the right low top sneaker and pats it, accordingly. 

“There you go. All set, Nina!”

“Thank you, Silvie.” 

Rindy grins the moment the little girl takes off in her dark pink overalls to join the rest of the kids playing in the loud, echoing gymnasium. We have basketballs dribbling, hula hoops spinning, jump ropes skipping. Children from different parts of the city come by the center during the day with various reasons of getting out of the house, family issues, or having parents that are unavailable and are too busy working.

“You dig this job?” Rindy asks.

“Of course,” Silvie smiles. “It’s been almost three years now.” She leans back in her own metal chair and pulls out a sleeve of gum. She offers one to Rindy, who takes a stick and starts unwrapping the tinfoil.

“Dillan looks just like you,” Rindy comments, bopping her head towards Silvie’s boy who was in the middle of pivoting with a faded basketball in the center of the court with two other boys watching, impressed.

“I guess he does, doesn’t he?” Silvie chews her gum several seconds before blowing a transparent bubble from her mouth. “He needs a haircut...” She studies her son with his fair skin and rich brown, feathery hair fallen past his forehead and ears. The boy looks so energetic and determined. Rindy couldn’t believe he was Silvia’s. 

“What’s it like to be a mother?” 

“It’s terrifying for the most part,” Silvie replies. Her answer startles Rindy. “TV likes to sugarcoat motherhood—making it all warm and fuzzy. Well let me tell you something—that’s not entirely true. Becoming a mother changes you. Your life will never be like it was before. Now you have a part of someone to raise and protect. You have a piece of you that will disobey rules, wear you down, speak their mind, and follow their heart. There’s nothing you can do about it except love them unconditionally and support them every single day until your last, dying breath.”

“Jesus,” Rindy murmurs. 

“He’s a part of it, too. If you let him,” Silvie nods.

Rindy snorts and thinks about Krystal. She wants to tell Silvia about the pregnancy and the fact that her ex-girlfriend wants her to become the godmother to her unborn baby.

“This woman I’ve been living with in Sacramento, the one I met at this peace riot...” Rindy begins, already tasting the gum’s sweetened flavor dissolve in her mouth. 

“I forgot that you were sleeping with females,” Silvie smirks. Rindy gives her a look before continuing.

“Well, she cheated on me. We broke up, and I came back home to find out she’s pregnant with the guy I caught her with.”

Silvia whistles. “That’s heavy, man. What a cunt!”

“That’s not the best part. Soon enough I find her back at my moms’ apartment to tell me that she’s still in love with me and wants me to be the godmother to her unborn child.”

An angry shout from the gymnasium makes Silvia turn her head around to look at one of the boys, Gregg, arguing with her son, Dillan, over a game of Round The World. She witnesses Dillan steal the basketball from Gregg’s hands and shoves him away. Gregg smacks the ball from Dillan, ending up wrestling him on the floor.

“Excuse me while I break up this upcoming blood fest... Hey! Boys!” Silvia scrambles out from her chair at the foldout table and rushes over to the fight on the court with the other children crowding around and Rindy looking on, defeated. 

“Krystal’s at my house, Silvie. What should I do?” Rindy tells her old high school friend minutes after she successfully split the boys apart with Dillan in one corner of the gym, and Gregg in the another, facing time out. Silvia Browning was busy preparing snacks for everybody—pouring apple juice inside plastic Dixie cups with bowls of popcorn and pretzel sticks. 

“I think you should go back and make amends,” Silvie shrugs. “We’re young adults now. We have to act like it. Running away from the situation won’t do you any good.”

“You’re sounding just like my mom,” Rindy scowls. She begins passing out the drinks and snack bowls to the children that are lining up in front of her.

“Which one?” Silvie grins.

“Carol. She’s lapping up Krystal’s sob-life like a camel. Therese has been on my side, I think. She’s always there for us.” Rindy smiles down at a carrot top girl and a heavyset boy while handing them each a juice and snack.


	25. •25•

“I was beginning to think you forgot your own address,” Krystal chuckled, following Rindy upstairs into the orange daisy wallpaper printed bedroom with the door swinging shut behind them. 

“There’s nothing you can say that’ll change my mind about you,” Rindy said firmly. “You may have fooled my mother, but not me...” She paused and took notice that her guitar was laid on the bed. Krystal reached over and took Rindy’s hands in hers, squeezing them.

“If we can’t be girlfriends, how about we stay as good friends?” 

Rindy pulled her hands away the minute her mother rapped her knuckles softly on the door before opening and poking her blonde head through. 

“How are you doing, girls? Everything all better now?”

“It will be, if you shut the door,” Rindy grumbled.

“We’re fine, Carol,” Krystal smiled.

“That’s good! I’m making a homemade dip with some pita chips for lunch!” she then pulled her head back in with the bedroom door closing shut.

“I dig your mother,” Krystal laughed.

“Therese does too,” Rindy smirked. 

“She sees me as the enemy, doesn’t she?” 

“That’s her own way of being territorial.”

“Any ideas on how I can win her heart?”

“Plain and simple: don't hit on my mother.”


End file.
